I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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