im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize