at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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