Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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