I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
not ubering you a puppy
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize