Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize