Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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