We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We are two peas in an std pod
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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