We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize