I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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