My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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