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People in love make me want to vomit
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
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