I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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