Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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