my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize