We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize