I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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