I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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