marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize