I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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