Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you will always have a special place in my vag
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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