I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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