I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sex in a hospital.. check
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize