If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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