So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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