If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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