So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize