Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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