I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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