i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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