Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize