He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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