I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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