we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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