I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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