I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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