I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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