So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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