This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize