Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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