I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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