My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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