Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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