my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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