Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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