Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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