u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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