In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Everyone says I win the strip club
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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