my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize