I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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